Success :)

When i agreed to defer cuming for two weeks and to touch myself only a few times during that period, i had no idea it would be as difficult as is has been. I am pleased to have succeeded though. It really is the first time in years, maybe longer than years that i have gone so long.

I sent some books to Miss Ginelle this week. She is a voracious reader and i'm hoping that she will enjoy them.

I hope that she takes the pleasure both in this accomplishment and in the books, that i do. i feel proud...and oh so ready for some orgasms :)

Number two

Yesterday morning i could resist touching no more. I had some time alone and took advantage of that to gently touch and squeeze, all the while knowing that it would not end in orgasm. It was amazing to me how intensely pleasureable it felt all the same. Perhaps in part because i knew it was not building to an orgasm but was just a feeling in and of itself. It went on for over an hour, an amount of time i rarely take for such a purely pleasureable indulgence. Thank you for restricting me in this way so that i could become more aware.

More days without

Over the week-end Mistress Ginelle appeared on the radio a few times. She is such a natural at that. Some people seem to have a knack for how all of the elements fit together. She does an extraordinary job of making the music she plays fit the tone of the talk that has just gone on. And she manages to entertain a room full of people at the same time. She laughs, teases, and moves from song to song like she's been doing it forever. Even when she looses a train of thought, it sounds as if she has done so to emphasize the flow of things, the sense of being at a happening.

Mistress Ginelle sent me an image that she knew would test my resolve. Along with it she gave me a description of what i was to think about while looking at it. Having resolved to save my stroking for when we might get to talk again, i did as she instructed, but did not touch. It was hard. And it is harder now, as i write this. I'll have some time tomorrow, but don't know if it will align when she can talk. So, the denial...the tease and denial...goes on.

A long and HARD week.....

The week got very busy. You might imagine that being
busy would keep me from thinking about my no (or
infrequent) touch situation. But quite the opposite.
Whenever I did get a break it was the only think on my
mind. All i could think about was how much i needed to
decompress. Wouldn't touching be such a nice way to do
that?

But! I have promised myself that i would not use the
second one at least until the week-end. i made it! i
am still not about using that second one. Having them
in the bank somehow makes it feel less desperate.
Also, based on what Mistress Ginelle said on the radio
tonight, the heat is going to get turned up. So, i'll
need to have them in the bank.

It has been forever since i've been a full week with
no orgasm, i think. It's been a long week, and yes
also a hard week.

Mistress Knew......

Last night i saw Miss Ginelle's blog posting about me.
Reading it made me feel both flattered and humbled. In
it she said that she KNEW i would crawl back. She also
said that it will be hard.

Going to bed with that in my mind made me wake up in a
state of submissive intensity. My mind was racing, my
heart was racing. I wanted SO much to touch. But i am
only allowed to do so twice more. And there are ten
days left. Being allowed to decide when i use them is
almost harder than just having it controlled. The long
and short is that i decided i have to wait, at least
until the week-end.

And so the feelings grow...deeper, more intense, more adoring.

Monday Post...

Today has been a little easier than yesterday. I was
so busy that for most of it i was unable even to think
about my training or denial. But now that i am writing
about it, i am keenly aware.

Yesterday, Miss Ginelle talked about my training on
cock radio. She mentioned it frequently as she played
music that was seductive, powerful. sexy and
assertive. She reminded people that I'd be posting
here and invited them to watch as she put me through
disciplined training. I felt humbled by that, but also
elevated. Being associate with Her makes my head
light.

I hope that i can learn to please her as she deserves.

As she had me identify myself in the room.

Mistress Ginelle's little one

Harder than I thought.....

I woke up this morning totally aware of my situation.
Miss Ginelle's voice was in my head; i'm not sure
which words came first. But i re-heard many. "you will
be on a strict regimen", "i'm glad that you have
crawled back to me", "it won't be easy". I remembered
the pleasure in her voice as i my will yielded to
hers. And it all made me ache. Oh i wanted to touch. I
was alone, i could have touched. But, i knew that even
the slightest touching would have to be reported and
that it would count. It would be one of the two
remaining opportunities to indulge in a pleasure,
which while incomplete, is still a pleasure. No, i
must wait. Yes, this will be hard.